I am so happy, and at the same time upset. I know sounds kind of messed up, however in my head its not.
first things first, here is how my Christmas went!
WOW I'M SO EXITED!!!!!!
Keith, Logan and I were opening gifts this morning. We let Logan open his right away as he was sooooo exited about Christmas. We opened a few gifts, each taking a turn opening a gift at a time.
I came to a gift that I wasn't expecting! I opened the box, and was in shock, it was a RING!! Then what came from Keith's mouth was what I took to be a joke, "Will you spend the rest of your life as my Bunker Monkey?" LOL it was sooooooo cute, like he didn't know what to say to me..... I did not answer him as I thought he was kidding around. I mean come on! It's not every day you get a proposal like that.
Anyways Logan opend more gifts, and Keith said "Mommy still has not answered my question yet!"
I said, "What?"
He said "Will you spend the rest of your life as my bunker monkey?".
I said, "You're not kidding, are you? YES I WILL!"
And then I cried.
We talked about a wedding before but never thought he was that serious as he is not one for getting married.
OH WELL I WILL BECOME MRS. Lavallee in 2010!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!
It may not be the ring anyone else would have wanted, but I LOVE IT! I don't like it when someone spends lots on me, I'm happy with just something simple. GOD I LOVE IT. I can't stop crying. Happy tears that is.
Keith has made me the happiest person today.
And now I will enplane why I could be so upset.
My father called me today to wish us a Merry Christmas, that was fine, however my mother wanted to talk so I said ok. She gets on the phone and I told her Keith and I will be getting married in 2010, she never had much to say but "oh" thats it, now I know I should not expect much from my family, but it hurts it really dose.
Then my sister wanted to talk to me, so I said ok and talked to her, told her about us getting married in 2010 and all she could say is "well at least you have 2 years to plan and stuff" Then she turned it around and said "but don't take advise from me, as I am agents weddings". I told her that I'm sorry her marriage did not turn out, but Keith and I have been together for almost 9 years, and she knew her husband 3 months then got married, and then had a child, and got a devoice after only a year.
I can't help thet that happened to her, but for ones I would have loved my family to be happy for me. But NO that would be asking way to much.
I have always had a dream about my father walking me down to my husband to be, but I guess that would not be happening I am not going to have my wedding fucked up because my family treats me like shit. So they will not be invited. And that hurts for me to say, but thats how things are going to be.
Who will be walking me down to Keith? My father in-law will be. He has been more of a father to me then my own. Keith's family have always been there for me, in good and bad, and they treat me more like a family should then my own.
Maybe my family will wake the hell up and know what there missing in my life. But I am not going to kiss ass anymore, I'm not going to be nice anymore, and I will not have them in my life and its all because they can't even treat me with any respect. All I give to them is respect I would just for ones like to get some of that back, some of the loving feeling from them. It really is a lot to ask from my family.
Keith knows how I feel about my family, I LOVE THEM TO DEATH. But I can only do so much to work on getting them to love me for me. Before I am ready to give up, and its going to be sad because I would have LOVED to have my family at my wedding. BUT NO NO it is not going to happen.
Anyways now that I got that out, I LOVE KEITH so very much, and I can't wait until I am Mrs. Lavallee for good.
I am so scared tho, I have no idea how to put a wedding together, not one clue. WOW I wish I could just relax lol, I know I have 2 years but it goes really fast as I herd. And I am so scared that we will not have the funds to have the wedding Keith and I would LOVE to have.
Again me worried about something that I know will fall in place as it comes.
Back to Keith, he has made me so happy today! I love him more then I have ever loved him .... He has made my dream come true. He really has. I really did not know he loved me this much until today when he asked me to marry him. Sorry I knew he loved me, but just did not know how much ..... But now I do!
Thank you sweetie pie for making my dream come true! I LOVE YOU so very much. You have no idea.
Ok done for tonight, time to read then go to bed.
